In honor of Christmas, here is a piece Elizabeth and I wrote a couple of years ago. Last Christmas was my and my girlfriend (now fiancée)’s first as a couple. We decided to go to her mother’s together for Christmas as things were already super serious. Things got off to a great start in that… [Read More]
Mr Monko, Dorothy Hamill and the Nature of Poo
In honor of my nephew Duncan’s recent trip to New York, I am reposting a story about him I wrote a couple years ago. I spent this past Thanksgiving in Iowa with my half sister, my half brother, their mother, my mother, my half sister’s husband and their 3 year old son. This was all very… [Read More]
An Interactive Video of a Man Being Slapped Across the Face with an Eel
Courtesy of eelslap.com Click pic above. You’re welcome. -Shawn E Mlines Related Links: 1980’s Sitcom Character Monroe Ficus Publicly Repudiates Actor Jim J Bullock 10 Sexting Autocorrects That Almost Cost Me My Sex Life Rick Santorum Overjoyed to Learn Jim J Bullock Not in Fact Dead, But Heartbroken Bullock Will Still Not Work with… [Read More]
Senior Dating Rituals of the Midwestern States
Last year, I spent the majority of three long months with my mother, Nancy, at her quasi plantation in wildly rural northeastern Iowa. I originally went to help her with the house and grounds, as her health while not yet failing is not the best. However when my own health started to fail the quasi… [Read More]
Swallows and Sweater Vests: La Rondine at the Metropolitan Opera
This week we saw La Rondine at the Met. We got last minute discounted tickets from a Met Opera email offering 25% off selected performances 26 hours before La Rondine’s curtain. A FULL 25% off, mind you. Not the “buy one get one 25% off” that we had received before. And thank god really as… [Read More]
Corn, Porn and Oprah: Sex in the Heartland
Call me old fashioned, but I’ve always wanted to visit a sex shop in the rural Midwest. So while staying at my mother’s bizarre quasi-plantation like homestead in Northeastern Iowa I felt the opportunity would finally present itself. Now I didn’t want any of those roadside “24 Hour Bookstore and Video Booth” establishments. The kind… [Read More]
How To Give Great Phone Sex: A Cautionary Tale
Earlier this year I sprained AND strained my shoulder and subluxated a rib while staying at my Mom’s in Northeastern Iowa. It took nearly eight weeks to completely recover. Here’s how it went down. My lovely and special young lady friend and I were having a very intense conversation on the phone super late… [Read More]
Vocal Folds, Frilly Shirts and Hair Dryers: General Misconceptions About Opera (and Life) Growing Up with Opera Singers
1. The use of a hairdryer is a vital aesthetic and artistic statement. 2. Tosca, the story of a happy go lucky baron with a heart of gold and a user friendly SM/Leather fetish, ends after the second act. 3. Don Giovanni is a love story and somehow being dragged bodily to hell is a… [Read More]
How To Stylishly Cuddle At The Metropolitan Opera And Other Dirty Tricks
I have been to the Met a great great many times, and with a great (great) many women throughout the years, and have had many bizarre adventures there. (Ask me about the time I had sex with my high school girlfriend on the Zeffirelli Third Act set of Aida while the Second Act Triumphal March… [Read More]
