RICK SANTORUM’S PERSONAL MANSERVANT LEONARD SPEAKS!

Leonard

Rick Santorum’s Personal Manservant Leonard Speaks Out in An Exclusive Phone Interview

“Look I’m a lot more than a pretty face. I can cook, eat and ride a bike. Sometimes being in the public eye is painful.”

“In a single day, I press and dry clean Richard’s leisure suits, wash the fondue sets, arrange the lava lamps in order of significance, and re-alphabetize his 8 track tapes of baboon vocalizations. AND I have to get it all done before disco nap is over and story time starts. It’s not easy.”

“Richard’s a task master. A true task master. ‘Chongkey comes after Cheetah, Leonard! After Cheetah!’ I hear that in my sleep sometimes.”

“I’m not blind. I know that people are against him and that he’s the object of a lot of ridicule. It just really steams my goat, you know? The other day I was watering our ferns, Henry and Eliza, and talking about this exact thing. These critics of his. I want to say to them, did you ever talk to Richard? Did you ever touch him or have him smile at you? Did you ever really listen to him? Or watch him Power Sanding without a shirt? No. So I just don’t know how they think that they can judge.”

“Look, he has to make the big decisions. He has to. I mean he’s a big man. He’s a big man. I’m just a small man. There’s no way for me to fathom what he struggles with.”

“He has a separate drawer for school shirts and after school shirts. That’s focus. That’s commitment. You know what I mean?”

We spent this wonderful long weekend in Colonial Williamsburg shopping for ferns and fiestaware and Ricky John said to me, ‘Leonard I’m going to run for public office’. I’ll remember that day for the rest of my life. So whenever RJ gets down about the criticism and ridicule I always remind him of what The Captain and Tennille said, ‘When those girls start hanging around talking me down, Hear with your heart and you won’t hear a sound.’ Isn’t that beautiful? It always perks him right up.”